Making the First Move

I was teaching a review session for my chemistry students the other day when one of my students (a post-bacc in her late 30’s) approached me.

“Lisa, I don’t mean this to be offensive so please don’t take it as such. But I really wish there were more Muslims that do what you do.”

With a half-smile and some confusion, I replied, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just refreshing to see a Muslim going out of her way for me.”

She proceeded to tell me the story of how her brother was a victim of the 9/11 attacks. I cannot even begin to attempt to paraphrase the complexity and emotion of her words so I won’t.

At this point, she was almost in tears, and said

“I mean, I see a lot of Muslims every day who aren’t terrorists, but I don’t see them as anything else. It’s just nice to finally have a relationship with a Muslim.”

She then apologized for ranting, changed the subject, and proceeded to ask about the titration question we had just gone over. But I couldn’t seem to focus on that.

As a convert, I often wonder if I am, in fact, being a “good Muslim.” For so long, I took that to mean praying five times a day and fasting during Ramadan, but it has grown to mean so much more. Having left the comforts of MSA-life behind, I now often find myself as the only Muslim in the room. Whether I’m doing experiments in the lab or teaching a group of first-year chemistry students, my responsibility to be an example on behalf of all Muslims has recently become more evident. I mean, it would certainly be easier if people did not directly associate my actions with my Islam, but I am well aware that this isn’t the case.

Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yes.

The Muslim community needs to step up its game. We want people to stop having issues with us, but we don’t want to do anything to engage them. (And no. Shoving dawah pamphlets in people’s faces does not qualify as community engagement.) We are such multi-faceted people with unique talents and skills that, theoretically, we should be able to connect with a large, diverse population of people. But instead of making the first move, we sit and wait for “the other” to come to us. And when they don’t, we hide behind this fact and blame them for their lack of willingness to learn about our religion.

As part of our respective communities, we need to do things to connect with all people, Muslims and non-Muslims. And this doesn’t even need to be done on a grand level- some of the simplest things we do can facilitate the beginning of conversations that really need to take place if we ever want to be understood. Community service and random acts of kindness are a great place to start. People notice when you do something for them because, regardless of how big or small you may think your actions are, you put their needs ahead of your own. Actions like these speak much louder than any pamphlet ever could.

We shouldn’t be content with simply being recognized for not doing something bad. We should strive to be known for the good things that we do for the benefit of others. May Allah give us all the courage to make the first moves in reaching out to those with whom we come in contact and may He allow for us to foster a sense of understanding and acceptance of all people in our respective communities. Ameen.

Hijab Awareness

In response to having been fortunate enough to see Hijabi Monologues a few weeks ago, I decided to shed some light on the psychology of hijabi women and dispel some common stereotypes and judgments often associated with us. Many non-Muslims come at us with the misconception that hijab is not a woman's choice but, rather, a constraint demanded upon her by some domineering male in her life. Being the only Muslim in my family, I can pretty accurately say that no one at home is forcing me to wear it. But even many of the young, Muslim-raised hijabis that I meet are often the only ones in their family to have chosen to wear the hijab. And because many people do not truly understand the beautiful role that hijab plays in a woman's life, they cannot fathom why any woman would choose to do that to herself.

There was a brother at the Hijabi Monologues event who used the opportunity to gain participants for a social work study he was conducting. After having filled out the survey myself, I asked what exactly he was out to prove by surveying a bunch of hijabi sisters. He told me that he was examining the effects of hijab on a woman's self-confidence. Thus far, the results have shown that hijabis have more confidence in themselves than sisters who don't regularly cover. As fascinated as I was to hear this, it makes perfect sense that that would be the case. A woman who chooses to begin wearing the hijab must have high self-esteem and confidence in herself to do so in the first place. This is not to say that those who don't choose to cover are not confident women, but that those women who do are most assuredly not victims of low self-image. Allah says in the Qur'an:

"O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known [to be Muslim women] and not be abused [or approached by men]. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful." (33:59)

Allah prescribes the hijab as a protection for women. When you want to preserve the value of something, you cover it. If it is socially acceptable for someone to put a case on their new Blackberry or a tarp over their convertible, why, then, do people have issue with a woman who covers herself to protect her worth? It doesn't make sense to me.

In conjunction with the Islamic Center at NYU, there will be an event on Thursday, April 22nd that I encourage all women, both Muslim and non-Muslim, to partake in. To promote hijab awareness and understanding, I invite you all to wear hijab for the day and discover your own personal experience with it. For those of you who will be in the New York City area, there will be a dinner/discussion later that night (7:45 PM at NYU's Islamic Center) during which anyone is welcome to come and share their thoughts and feelings. I also ask those who cannot attend the discussion to e-mail me about their experiences at LS1790@nyu.edu as I would be very interested in hearing about it. Men are encouraged to attend the discussion as well and share their own opinions about hijab as well :)

Here's the facebook event